Saturday, June 28, 2008
Kill the soap suds.
Watch out, rant ahead.
What is it with erotic romance at the moment. Why is it necessary for every book to be riddled with shower scenes? It seems that if you want to write a contemporary setting at least a third of it will be spent in the shower!
Dear Editor, I sure did want to include the capture of a notorious jewel thief in my latest book, but the characters were too busy taking showers to fit in anything else besides sex, so I'm afraid the villain got clean away.
Why is it necessary for sex scenes to take the following format?
'Hm, we've just had hot sticky foreplay, but wait, I must now go shower.'
Back from shower & carefully towel dried.
Hot, bump and grind.
'Lo, I must now shower again.'
Down with bodily fluids!
'Okay, I'm back again. Oh, what, you're taking a bath now, shucks!'
The worst part of all this is that even the historicals have become infected by it...
After mucho unrequited love, and admission of mutual attraction the two guys finally get around to the smexing.
'Oh yeah, I've waited aeons to plough your tight little arse, and now we're really going to do this.'
'Yeah, bugger me. I'm really hot for you too.'
'Nah, I think we should hold off a bit longer (read about two hours) before jumping each other's bollocks, for lo, I am a bit sweaty after a hard day's mincing. First we must boil water on the fire (cause the servants have gone to bed) and thoroughly scrub ourselves.'
Quit with it, will you!
You know what, yes, bodies look great with water spilling down them, and showers and baths can be great taken together, but at least make it seem like it's appropriate to the plot, not the author's modern sensibilities intruding on the scene. Let's see some passion folks and forget about the fact that they might not have brushed their teeth recently/shaved their legs/vigourously scrubbed their fingernails. If they're that hot for each other do you really think the fact that they had garlic for lunch is going to stop them?
Okay, I want recommendations for razor hot books where the characters don't take any baths or showers! (And yes, I know I've written bath scenes.)