Sunday, December 12, 2010

Advent Calender Day 12: Charlotte Stein

Today's guest post comes from the wonderfully magnificent and stupendously funny, Charlotte Stein.

Things I Would Like To Get For Christmas

1. The A-Team. No, I don’t mean the DVDs of the movie version, or the TV version, or maybe one of those little toy vans with doors that really open. I mean the ACTUAL 2010 A-Team. I’ll even take that extreme fighter who played BA in the new one. I want them all, like collectable action figures with eyes that I can move on the backs of their heads, only instead of their eyes, I move their…you get the picture. I’m a pervert who wants a voodoo A-Team.

2. I was going to say a Kindle here, but I won’t, because it’s useless to waste Christmas wishes on things you know you’re already getting. I’m getting a Kindle, okay? I’ve seen it. I ordered it myself on Amazon. All the mystique and wonder has gone out of Christmas because of this present I ordered myself. So instead, I’ll say I’d like to get the Holodeck, from Star Trek. Suck on that, Santa.

3. I think I’d really like to suck on Santa. You know– maybe like the Tim Allen version? I mean, he’s jolly, he’s got a sexy beard, he gives presents, he’s got a good grasp on naughty and nice. What’s not to love?

4. Again, I want to say chocolate, here. But I know I’m already getting chocolate. I picked it out myself from Hotel Chocolate, because if I leave it up to the hubster he’ll get me lemon curd wrapped in dark flakes. Which as everyone knows, is the most evol of all chocolates. It’s a cheating chocolate, a chocolate that punishes rather than rewards. It tastes like eating Fairy Liquid, and who wants that? No-one, that’s who. But anyway, instead of wishing for the chocolate I’m already getting, I’m going to wish for Sharlto Copley, covered in praline soup. Yeah. That sounds suitably insane and impossible to get. I mean, I’m not even sure if praline soup exists.

5. A seven book deal with the Guaranteed Billionaire Publishing Company. And don’t try to fake me out, Santa, by making the Guaranteed Billionaire Publishing Company some kind of bogus nonsense with typos on their website outfit. They have to live up to their name. And not because I really want a billion dollars, but because I figure if I do everyone will buy my books anyway just to find out how I made a billion dollars.
See. I’ve thought this thing through. I really have.

P.S. I have a Christmas novella out, soon! Closer is out from Ellora’s Cave on December 7th, and you can find lots of sexy details about it right here:

P.P.S Thanks Madelynne, for letting me ramble on your blog!

P.P.P.S Thank you Charlotte, for rambling. (Not that you were rambling.)


Justine Elyot said...

Eee, I'm getting a Kindle too! No prizes for guessing what we'll be doing on Christmas morn then.

Charlotte Stein aka The Mighty Viper said...

We're matching! Hooray! And as for guessing what we'll be doing on Christmas morn...tweeting each about book bargains?

I kid, I kid!

Thanks for stopping by, hon. And thank you so much, Madelynne, for doing this wonderful calendar!

Janine Ashbless said...

Love your Xmas wishes!

I want ... a set of Spartan warriors (300 would be greedy)and a holodeck and one of those publishing contracts too. You have just beaten me to it all!

I'll eat your lemon chocolate if you don't want it, mind :-)

Charlotte Stein aka The Mighty Viper said...

You've beaten me to the Spartan warriors. Christmas is about sharing tho, isn't it? I'll lend you half of a billion dollar publishing deal if you lend me half the Spartans.

Thanks for stopping by, hon!